I went to my OB today for the surgical consult for the d&c this upcoming Friday and he confirmed that I have a blighted ovum and that for my situation the d&c is probably the best scenario, although he did go through all 3 of my options with me. 1) wait it out and mc naturally. I am not sure how much more of this I can take. I should be 9weeks and 3days today and it has been nothing but an emotional roller coaster that my husband and I have been on. I just don't know if my heart can take waiting for my body to realize there is no baby in there. 2)medication induced mc. He said this option is probably not a good one due to the severe bleeding and cramping I had on Jan 13. He said that this would probably be worse and didn't want me to have to go through that either. which leaves the option of 3) d&c. I am OK with this (most of the time). I am just ready for this whole this to be over so that my mind, body, and heart can move forward with everything.
He did a sonogram which showed that the sac has gotten bigger since my last sonogram on Feb 3, which again is why I do not want to wait for my body to figure this thing out. He also said that although my numbers are increasing they are not doubling any more and that is not a good indicator either (if you read my last post you know that I was already thinking this...) So all signs point to the d&c being the best, at least I think so. The office gave me a copy of the sonogram (finally. I have had 5 sonograms and no pictures. I did have to ask though...) so now I feel like I have something to hold on to.
Like I said, most times I am OK with this all. My brain understands it all, my body hasn't figured things out yet and my heart is so broken it hurts to breathe. I feel like an emotional wreck. I never know from one minute to the next how I will feel or react to something. I can be fine then all of a sudden breakdown crying. This is just awful and I just want to feel like myself again. I want the pain to go away. I want to be pregnant again and have my baby in September. I know "everything happens for a reason" but I don't care right now. I just want what I want and I can't help that. I try to stay positive, and I know that there was something not right that made this happen so it's all for the best, but that just doesn't help right now, in this moment.
No comments:
Post a Comment